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February 22, 2001 (Thursday)
In the course of life, one often gets bored, irritated, and mischievous. Though these three often happen separately, they rarely occur simultaneously. It is when these three separately-weak powers come together at once that something magical and mystical can occur. It is in this vein that I have started the Deirdre Project.
First, you might ask, "What is the Deirdre Project?" And that would be a good question to start off with. However, a better question would be "Why in the hell did you choose the background color to be red?" I'm quite glad you asked. It is simply because Deirdre's hair is red. And a good followup question might be "Can't you please please please change the color because my eyes hurt?" Yup, I'll give you that. That's a good followup question, but I'm afraid the background color must stay red, in respect to Deirdre but especially to her hair. In addition, I've had it up to here with babies recently, so all your complaining will fall on my suitably deaf ears.
Now that you're interested and intrigued, I will proceed to explain the Deirdre Project. It's very technically involved, so I will do my best to make things as simple as possible for the neophyte. My roommate, Deirdre, is a bit of a slob and tends not to clean up after things. In fact, she generally doesn't debase herself with the mundane chores of cleaning up around the apartment, and yet, things tend to get themselves magically cleaned up. For instance, she'll leave dishes around and then they just obediently scrub themselves down. Oh, she's a lovely girl alright, with her husky baritone voice, induced by the quiet pleasures of an occasional cigarette. Her voice carries quite readily through walls to the enjoyment of all her other roommates. And her whistling ability, to say it is divine is an insult. When she whistles along while her pet bird, Eleanor, sings, I've often shed a tear of joy, so filled with emotion that I was unable to speak.
But, all is not well with our fine friend, there is one dish which refused to clean itself, a rogue dish, if you will. However, despite its impudence, I've taken quite a shine to it, hence the Deirdre Project. I will be photographing this apparent spatial and temporal anomaly in Deirdre's magical kingdom everyday until it decides to fall in with the other dishes and clean itself up. Ever vigilant, I will not falter from my task. I've finally found a calling in life, and it is to document this phenomenon.
I apologize for my lack of initial vigilance as this plate has been sitting on the counter since Tuesday, February 20, 2001. However, it has not moved from its initial spot which is what drew my attention to it in the first place.
So, at this point, you might be wondering, "Why don't you just stop whining and tell Deirdre to clean up after herself?" Well, if you have to ask that, then you really aren't a believer in the paranormal, and I'll have nothing to do with you. If you can't believe that some dishes will just wash themselves, then we're not even on the same playing field, and I'll just kindly ask you to leave.
You might also ask, "Are you just doing this out of spite, you little wuss?" Well, to answer that, all I have to say to you is "Ya Think?"
Others might rightfully ask, "Why is your heart so full of hate?" Well, once again, to repeat myself, this is a documentation of a spatial and temporal anomaly. I am a scientist, damn it. I'm just objectively documenting something out of the ordinary in hopes that some day an engineer will find an application for this research. Remember, without basic research, we wouldn't have microwave ovens.
"So, then you're just doing this for the good of mankind?" Right, that's it. Now you've got it. We're finally on the same wavelength. That's why I'm doing this at great personal expense. I have tried to find funding for this project, but every respectable institution turned me down. Oh well, their loss. So, I will be presenting the documentation of this phenomenon on a daily basis until the phenomenon ends or my personal funds run out. But, press on I will even if I have to cut down to just one meal a day. This phenomenon must be documented.